Two  Rednecks, Jim and Dave, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking
beer.

Jim turns to Dave and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going  through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the  Community College and
sign up for some classes.'

Dave thinks it's a good  idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Jim goes down to  the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four  basic classes: Math, English,  History, and
Logic.'

Logic?' Jim  says. 'What's that?'

The dean says, 'I'll give you an
example. Do you own a weed eater?''

Yeah.''Then logically speaking, because you
own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.''

That's true, I do have a yard.''

I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically
that you would have a house.'

'Yes, I do  have a house.''And because you have a
house, I think that you  might logically have a family.''

'Yes, I have a family.''

'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife.  And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
heterosexual.''

'I am a heterosexual.  That's amazing, you were able to find out
all of that  because I have a weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Jim
shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Dave at the bar.   He tells Dave
about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English,  History, and Logic.'


'Logic?' Dave says, 'What's that?'

Jim says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you
have a weed eater?''

'No.'

'Then you're a queer.'

lol, denying the antecedent is always funny. Yes, I took a class on logic in university

Didn't see it coming, laughed out loud over here

Bobby is at school and the teacher says today I am going to say a word and I want you kids to use it in a sentence...

The word of the day is contagious.  Right away little Bobby's hand goes up.  The teacher looks around to find someone else.

Sally can you use the word in a sentence?

Yes teacher.  When my brother gets a cold because I have a cold it is because the cold is contagious

Very good Sally.  Anyone else?  Bobby is waving his hand in the air but the teacher looks around.  

Jason can you use the word in a sentence?

Yes teacher - When I got the measles I had to stay home because the measles are contagious.

Very good.  Bobby is now waving his hand frantically in the air.  Finally the teacher must give in.

OK Bobby can you please use the word in a sentence?

Yes teacher.  When my mom is out in the yard starting the lawn mower and my dad is sitting on the couch having a beer my dad says - The yard is going to take that contagious....

Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Little Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."