This morning, my wife took her own life, leaving me with our 4 year old daughter and a bunch of shared debt.

I'm angry and I'm going to be very busy trying to get my affairs in order. Probably only pop in to read stuff here and there, as time will obviously be strapped and I don't want my current frame of mind spilling over here or anywhere else.

May have to sell all my arcade stuff and other things, I'm not sure yet.......I'm not even concerned with that.

I'm very sorry to read that and wish you the best of luck over that hard period.

Sylvain

That's very sad news, I wish you the best in your time of need.

That's terrible news!  I am so sorry for your loss.  I'm unsure what to say in this situation, except I send you best wishes and hope things work out for you.  Stay strong for your daughter.

I too am speechless, I can not even begin to imagine. As Bish said stay strong for your daughter,
If there is anything I can do to help please do not hesitate to ask,

Terry

Ken,

Don't be afraid to ask for help or even better, see a counselor.

I'm very sorry Ken.  I don't know you, but my heart goes out to you and your daughter.

Mark

Very sorry to hear about your loss, Ken. As Bish said, stay strong for your daughter.

Duane

Ken,
I am heartbroken for your loss.  Although you must stay so strong for your precious daughter, remember that you need to grieve, too.  Don't be afraid to seek help, it's OK to need support.  I don't know what I could possibly do for you, but I will help in a heartbeat if you need it, and that includes coming to Barrie and moving stuff if you ever need transportation help.  Seriously, dude, just ask.

Daniel

Take care of yourself and your daughter, thats all that counts right now. All The best.

So sorry to hear about your loss, that is so tragic. I wish you all the best.

I dont know you; but i want you to know my thoughts are with you at this very difficult time......im sure we all have a connection through here.....


my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours .

Ken,

I don't really know you either, but I echo everyone else on this board
when I say pretty much anybody here will do whatever they can to help.

I realize you likely may not even be in a mood to feel like asking,
but everyone here would be genuinely happy to help without hesitation.
(...and not just for pinball issues... we've got doctors, lawyers, accountants,
..and just about any type of professional you might ever need.  Just ask... )

My humblest sympathies...

Steph

My god.  I have a 4 yr old girl myself and would not wish this on anyone.  Please stay strong for her and have faith.

Sam

That is very sad to hear. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

So sorry to read about your loss.  I really did not get to know you, being a newbie, I feel so so sad for you.  No one should have  to go through such a difficult time.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.  Be strong, give her lots of hugs and hold her tight.  Take care and be strong.  

Sky

Thanks guys, I'm in a place of "tune-out" right now, just paying attention to my daughter.

I'm not sure what help I need, will need or what have you as it's been less than 12 hours. The worst part is the financial strain, our debts were manageable, but I'm not so sure now. I just bought my wife a new car in February, I still owe from my bike accident last September and the funeral is not going to be cheap even without a service.

I just dropped the line on this places I frequent, because I know I hate when people disappear from communities from extended periods of time without a word. Even if I am relatively new, I hate wondering where "so-and-so" got to.

I would like to say this is a community , i think being a small community we have a bit of a connection. If someone knows Ken and would like to set up a trust or something i would like to contribute some money to it or to purchasing flowers or something like that .
Dave Astill

Very sorry to hear this. I cannot even begin to imagine how incredibly difficult it must be to cope with this situation. All I can say is do your best to cope for the sake of your daughter and yourself. Don't isolate yourself. You are most likely going to need the support of family and others just to cope with the situation. Don't be afraid to ask for help as there are professional people out there that can assist you.

I have a 4 yr old boy and a 6 yr old daughter.  Be strong for her.  My mother was murdered when I was 7 and my dad was a rock for me.  I know it killed him too but he was there for me.  Time does heal all wounds but be there for her.

Stay strong, rely on family and friends and as others have said, don't seclude yourself. Grieving is important and don't hesitate to ask for help.

Ken im so sorry for your loss. I didn't know you too well but the times we did speak you were really helpful and are a great person. Take care of that little girl. I wish you all the best.

I know you feel like you've been kicked in to a corner, but be strong and keep the faith. Don't be afraid to ask for help, lean on your friends and family, that's what we're here for. Don't be ashamed to seek counciling for you and your little girl, I spent a few years in therapy after my father died because I wasn't able to cope with the loss (I was 12 at the time), I'm glad it was there for me.

like others.   don't know what to exactly say.  but stay strong for your daughter and let yourself vent as well.
  erin and i are in tears at the moment.  so sad to hear this news.
  you keep strong and we are here online to help any way we can.  

From Jennifer and Stefan

I am at a loss for words, I offer my sympathy and as many have said do not hesitate to ask for help. take care of yourself and daughter now you need eachother.

My god I offer my greatest sympathy I could not imagine to be in that situation.
Hope it works out stay strong for your girl.

Very sorry to hear this about a member's family (or anyone). There is little anyone can say that doesn't come out sounding like a platitude because most of us haven't been there, I do know that greiving is a process, but it is best accomplished with the support of an understanding extended family, faith community, or greving counsellors (a family doctor is a possible first stop) - or http://www.bereavementontarionetwork.ca/about.htm . The burden is lightened when it is shared by people who care, and by those that can shoulder some of your immediate concerns for you. The fact that you are sharing your story here is a good sign that you're already reaching out for that compassion, wanting to share your pain and anger.

Important to take care of yourself in order to keep it all together for your daughter (and your future), and important for your daughter that she have extra supports too. We can easily let things like debt, jobloss, family troubles or worse get us down, but there are no such things as dead ends, just solutions that haven't been found yet.  It's sad that at times people end up facing their worst fears, and sometimes allow their pride to cloud available paths, but there are ways out, with time and dignity, and organizations and people that help create those paths.

Take care.

Thanks everyone.

I don't know what to do with myself. I've been doing laundry, cleaning this cleaning that........sitting here staring at the wall yet at absolutely nothing at the same time, since I put my daughter to bed, for I don't even know how long.

I feel like things are only going to get worse, and I hate my wife for what she did more than I've ever hated anything. There was no warning, no note......nothing, I've torn the entire house apart looking. She even drove my brother-inlaw to school early this morning before doing it.
I wish I could tell her how I feel.....

Wow Ken Im speechless.  I wish I could say something that would actually help you but I dont know  where to begin.  I guess I would reiterate what others have said about counselling as it will help both you and your daughter.  Try and be there for your daughter, kids cant understand the reality of the situation and will look to you for answers and strength.  I cant even imagine what questions she must have.  
Since im in the area Im available to help if I can.  You have my number.  
  

Quoted from ken_cinder

I don't know what to do with myself.

No one can tell you what to do or what you should be doing. At some point you may want to discuss how you feel with others but it's up for you to decide if and when that will occur. The main thing is to know if and when that time comes there are people out there that are willing to listen.

I am so very sorry to here this Ken. You are in our thoughts.

Ken, my wife and I wish you the best.. stay strong, and you'll pull through.  

I really don't know what to say......   I am sorry for your loss.

I would suggest that you seek councelling for your personal loss, as well as how to cope with your Daughter and her loss.  Even the strongest of us will be tramatized by such a tragic event!  The is no pride in suffering!

I wish you and your family (i.e. your parents, her parents etc,) a quick recovery and a new start to your lives.  All the best, my thoughts are with you.

So sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your tragic loss

Ken , i ' m also sorry to read about your situation , but you are young and have life in front of you . Wish you to get true this hard time fast enough and get back your feet soon . Be brave ...

Ken,

I am very sorry to hear about your tragic loss.
My condoleances to you, your daughter and your family.

Keep the faith and try to be strong for your daughter.

- Sylvain.

Ken
Sorry for your loss

Ken,

Do not forget that you are grieving the loss of your wife. "Anger" is only one of the various stages, searching for an "answer" which is similar to "denial", "blame" and "bargaining" are others. But even though you may not find a root cause, the stages are necessary, and at some point the numbness is replaced by pain and sorrow (and then you know you are getting closer to fully absorbing the loss), and finally acceptance, and you and your daughter need to go through all of them in order to come out whole on the other side.  Some of those "stages" can be so emotional, or so confusing that they can cause emotional imbalance and breakdown.  During those times you need to gather support and help so that you can go through those stages without adversely affecting your life, or the lives of your dependants.  Without support, things could get better, or they could get a lot worse, but your chances of getting the answers you seek and passing through the stages of grief will be better with a few, perhaps many shoulders to lean on.  Suffice it to say I have seen my share of loss (as have many here on this forum), though not so tragic as yours (and I still required professional help to get through it).

Dave made a donation, I greatly appreciate it. Every penny or even just a kind comment if you can't really goes a long way. I've had family here 24/7 so far except last night when I kicked everyone out.

My pride has been put aside elsewhere, never had a dollar I didn't earn in some way so it's very hard for me to say "Yes" to offers. Should you feel the need, you can find my Paypal address in my profile or my mother will be setting up a trust fund in my daughters name soon.

No flowers please, I really appreciate the idea of flowers at a time like this, but honestly if one is to spend money on flowers it is better spent on related expenses or helping my daughter.


On another note, I've arranged things so that my future living expenses will be minimal so I can focus on getting mess done. My brother-inlaw currently rents a room in my basement, I will be moving my office into my living room/bedroom (Whatever needs to go where) and he will move to that room.
My mother and her BF will be renting my entire basement, further offsetting things for me and my mother will be able to look after my daughter, so I need not find and pay for daycare while I'm working again.
It not only saves me money, it saves them money over what they're currently renting an apartment for. Win win.

We've been tossing ideas around relating to my wife, that this may have been related to her recent medical problems. Problems she may have played down. She had a mass detected in her stomach, scopes done and a Barium X-Ray done and has been ok, but I don't know what she HASN'T told me.
Her mother died of Pancreatic cancer in late 07, and I know it was brutally hard on her. More than I thought after reading one of her journals today.
We both were on the same page that if something like that happened to one of us, we would not want to burden everyone with caring for us while terminally ill.
I won't know until I can speak with her doctor, but given how out of left field this was and putting 2+2 together, I'm really wondering. I kind of hope it was a situation like that, it would certainly put me more at ease and erase my hatred........I'd understand.

I'm trying to avoid my initial reaction of wanting to segregate myself from the online communities I'm part of, but I'm finding it's helping.......maybe my thread title is not as fitting as I thought it would be.

Thank you everyone, I'm keeping it together here and I'm the rock of my family so don't worry.

Ken,  I don't know you and you don't know me but I really feel for you..  I used to hang out here a lot but my life also had a sharp 90 degree turn although not nearly as tragic as yours.  I've always assumed that I'd be able to logically 'think' my way through any situation but it just ain't so..  It'll hurt and you'll feel like you're riding the roller coaster ride from hell..  Hang in there bud and please don't be affraid of seeking professional help.  I'm there so I know what I'm talking about.  It helps put things in perspective and get a fresh view on the situation.

Take care,

Mike

Never met you or talked to you, sorry it had to be at a time like this, but you have my deepest condolences.

Would you be able to find out from her doctor if she was diagnosed with anything terminal? I wonder if patient confidentiality could be suspended in a situation like this.

Was turned down for help from SS for paying for the bare minimum. Going to cost me the $2500 for just the cremation with no service.

I guess cause I haven't smoked crack for the last 10 years while sitting on welfare, or immigrated with 30 family members I'm not worthy........

Ken, please send me your address so that I may at least send you a little something. I can't do much considering how tragic it all is, but if anything can be a small consolation, I believe it is not lost...

Stay strong...

PM sent Sparky (And replied to), rather leave something like that off this thread where it could be abused by bots.

......

Ken, I would really suggest counselling to make sense of all this.  We're here if you need someone to listen but we can't help too much.  Your wife was obviously in a distressed state of mind.  I hope for the best for you and your daughter through this ordeal.

Quoted from ken_cinder

I found papers.......bad news papers, under her nightstand. She was cheating on me, after I fought tooth and nail to get her back home with us (She suffered a Post Partum episode where she tried this same thing).
I'm crushed, she's lied to me for over 2 years now when I've asked her......

I still have to see her doctor on Tuesday about the medical issues of late.

I don't get it, I did everything for her, she had everything she thought she'd never have. I fought to keep her with us when the law wanted her out, and this is what I get in return?

Hello Ken,

May I offer similar advice as others have? I believe that your matters at hand are best suited for councelling or for direct discussion with a close family member or very close friend. You are obviously very distraught over the whole thing (who wouldn't???? and you probably need to get some direct moral support.

  I do understand that finding such evidence is quite disturbing, especially at this moment. It is exactly why I believe it is best to keep it all in a private environment. Venting is probably the worst thing you can do right now. Keep in mind that you have a 4-year-old daughter that is looking up to you right now for strength and understanding.

Family is key here. In any time of loss, it is best to rely on them. Posting on various forums will get you some sympathy... and believe me, we all do sympathise, but right now, you need emotional support, which a forum cannot give you.

You have every single member's sympathy here, but there is very little else we can do from a keyboard. Focus on family Ken. And when things get a bit better, we will all be here for you.

And if you do decide to do a small service, let us know. I am sure a few close members would attend.

And for all who wish to send a card to Ken, please PM me and I will give you his address. this way, as he stated, the bots won't get hold of it.

I'm sorry guys, I'm acting out. What I previously posted........there's far more than anyone could fathom to it.
Let me just say that after putting more puzzle pieces together, she didn't really cheat on me. I'll leave it at that, my wife was ill. I think you can put it together yourself.

I'm really taking a break tonight, I've slept 6 hours in 3 days and eaten twice all while go-go-go like the roadrunner. I'm out, I'm letting go....

I appreciate the suggestions of counseling, but trust me. I feel better today, I can deal. Maybe later if I need to.

Quoted from ken_cinder

I don't get it, I did everything for her, she had everything she thought she'd never have. I fought to keep her with us when the law wanted her out, and this is what I get in return?

I was once in a serious relationship (...engaged in fact...),
to a girl who "perhaps" had remotely similar emotional issues to your wife.

I did everything to make this girl happy,
but she wasn't happy with herself,
and figured a "nice guy" like me deserved better
(...never saw that one coming...)

We tried counseling, but she was already emotionally gone,
so we called off the wedding and went our separate ways....

That was many many many years ago (15+) and I later realized
that no matter how hard you try to make someone happy,
it's gotta come from inside themselves first.

You probably did far more than would be expected of a husband,
but your wife apparently had issues that went beyond what you could do to make her happy.

Rest assured that you are not deserving of such fate
and are in no way responsible for it.
Re-focus all that energy on your daughter now
and I'm hopeful things will turn around for you...

Stay positive..

Steph

And no matter what you may find out about your wife, none of that matters now.  Both of you brought the miracle of life into this world and your daughter will need you more than ever.

Quoted from pinsRfun

And no matter what you may find out about your wife, none of that matters now.  Both of you brought the miracle of life into this world and your daughter will need you more than ever.

It does matter, after fighting tooth and nail for her, she turns around into another mans arms? (I found out I was wrong, she did......)

Ken, it's healthier for you to not judge on everything you see right now.  The need to know "why" is strong and will be strong for a while but as you can see, it's easy to go from one extreme to another and grief will blind you and lead to jump to conclusions.

I've no idea what happened but at the end of the day, your wife wasn't evil.  Maybe she was sick, maybe she made mistakes and go so caught up in them she lost sight of reality. I don't know, but right now, this extreme stuff you're showing isn't healthy dude.  Give it time, facts will sort themselves out.  Right now, only one focus, your daughter and both your health.

Quoted from ken_cinder

I appreciate the suggestions of counseling, but trust me. I feel better today, I can deal. Maybe later if I need to.

What you really need in this time of crisis is to find a weekly group activity (preferably with  strangers  that know nothing of your situation.) that way you get out of the house ---even if but for an hour or two as mental diversion.  

As other's have wisely pointed out, the sooner you get off the net and seek out  at least  a support group, the sooner you heal and ensure your daughter adjusts.   There's no shame in letting others that have already experienced such trauma guide you through.

Hey guys, let's have that tournament to help out Ken. Any ideas of when and where?

I figure a 20$ entry fee. All proceeds and donations go to Ken. Winner gets bragging rights. Who's game?

I'm in - date / location being big factor of course...

Just a thought, as I know it's a few months out and I don't know how many people are planning on going.

But we could have a little side Tournament at the Niagara Falls Show in Aug there should be more then enough games and as good a reason as any for the group to get together and hang out.  

Quoted from Vengeance

Just a thought, as I know it's a few months out and I don't know how many people are planning on going.

But we could have a little side Tournament at the Niagara Falls Show in Aug there should be more then enough games and as good a reason as any for the group to get together and hang out.  

Good idea - we're planning on going to this one!

What is the date/location?

CHEERS!

Hi All,

I am brand new to this group and to owning pins, although I have been a fan all my life. I must say it is amazing to see this many good people in one small community. It is nice to see everyone doing what they can.

Ken, I can't imagine what you are going through, however I wish you all the best.

With regards to the proposed tournament, I would be happy to attend should the timing work out. I am sure you all can teach me a thing or two.

Again, it is a great to see the all the support for Ken.

Drew

I'm coming up to Ottawa from Windsor for my neices Christening and will be around the weekend of July 11 if anyone is planning anything.  If not no big deal but my father-in-law who used to own a bar said he had a box of new beer glasses and a few shirts from the beer rep that were never used so I can donate them as prizes.  I also think I  have a LOTR key fob I can donate.  I have a few I was going to put on epay.  Let me know.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone, your words and your donations really helped. Cost me $2.5k for her cremation, not easily afforded being out of work right now.........thank god for a line of credit and the generosity of everyone.

Some of my heated words previously, should have been kept to myself (And I'd appreciate it if quotes could be edited). There's FAR more to this than I realized, and I jumped the gun, not sure why I ranted here but what's done is done.

Still be a long time till things are normal enough for me to take part here and other places I enjoy, trying to just focus on my daughter and get away from home as much as I can. But I'm feeling better now, a bit lost and alone mind you, but better.
Damn weird realizing you haven't bought your own clothes in over 6 years and not knowing what boxers to even buy, because your wife bought them!

No worries Ken... hang in there... we are all with you.