Ken , i ' m also sorry to read about your situation , but you are young and have life in front of you . Wish you to get true this hard time fast enough and get back your feet soon . Be brave ...

Ken,

I am very sorry to hear about your tragic loss.
My condoleances to you, your daughter and your family.

Keep the faith and try to be strong for your daughter.

- Sylvain.

Ken
Sorry for your loss

Ken,

Do not forget that you are grieving the loss of your wife. "Anger" is only one of the various stages, searching for an "answer" which is similar to "denial", "blame" and "bargaining" are others. But even though you may not find a root cause, the stages are necessary, and at some point the numbness is replaced by pain and sorrow (and then you know you are getting closer to fully absorbing the loss), and finally acceptance, and you and your daughter need to go through all of them in order to come out whole on the other side.  Some of those "stages" can be so emotional, or so confusing that they can cause emotional imbalance and breakdown.  During those times you need to gather support and help so that you can go through those stages without adversely affecting your life, or the lives of your dependants.  Without support, things could get better, or they could get a lot worse, but your chances of getting the answers you seek and passing through the stages of grief will be better with a few, perhaps many shoulders to lean on.  Suffice it to say I have seen my share of loss (as have many here on this forum), though not so tragic as yours (and I still required professional help to get through it).

Dave made a donation, I greatly appreciate it. Every penny or even just a kind comment if you can't really goes a long way. I've had family here 24/7 so far except last night when I kicked everyone out.

My pride has been put aside elsewhere, never had a dollar I didn't earn in some way so it's very hard for me to say "Yes" to offers. Should you feel the need, you can find my Paypal address in my profile or my mother will be setting up a trust fund in my daughters name soon.

No flowers please, I really appreciate the idea of flowers at a time like this, but honestly if one is to spend money on flowers it is better spent on related expenses or helping my daughter.


On another note, I've arranged things so that my future living expenses will be minimal so I can focus on getting mess done. My brother-inlaw currently rents a room in my basement, I will be moving my office into my living room/bedroom (Whatever needs to go where) and he will move to that room.
My mother and her BF will be renting my entire basement, further offsetting things for me and my mother will be able to look after my daughter, so I need not find and pay for daycare while I'm working again.
It not only saves me money, it saves them money over what they're currently renting an apartment for. Win win.

We've been tossing ideas around relating to my wife, that this may have been related to her recent medical problems. Problems she may have played down. She had a mass detected in her stomach, scopes done and a Barium X-Ray done and has been ok, but I don't know what she HASN'T told me.
Her mother died of Pancreatic cancer in late 07, and I know it was brutally hard on her. More than I thought after reading one of her journals today.
We both were on the same page that if something like that happened to one of us, we would not want to burden everyone with caring for us while terminally ill.
I won't know until I can speak with her doctor, but given how out of left field this was and putting 2+2 together, I'm really wondering. I kind of hope it was a situation like that, it would certainly put me more at ease and erase my hatred........I'd understand.

I'm trying to avoid my initial reaction of wanting to segregate myself from the online communities I'm part of, but I'm finding it's helping.......maybe my thread title is not as fitting as I thought it would be.

Thank you everyone, I'm keeping it together here and I'm the rock of my family so don't worry.

Ken,  I don't know you and you don't know me but I really feel for you..  I used to hang out here a lot but my life also had a sharp 90 degree turn although not nearly as tragic as yours.  I've always assumed that I'd be able to logically 'think' my way through any situation but it just ain't so..  It'll hurt and you'll feel like you're riding the roller coaster ride from hell..  Hang in there bud and please don't be affraid of seeking professional help.  I'm there so I know what I'm talking about.  It helps put things in perspective and get a fresh view on the situation.

Take care,

Mike

Never met you or talked to you, sorry it had to be at a time like this, but you have my deepest condolences.

Would you be able to find out from her doctor if she was diagnosed with anything terminal? I wonder if patient confidentiality could be suspended in a situation like this.

Was turned down for help from SS for paying for the bare minimum. Going to cost me the $2500 for just the cremation with no service.

I guess cause I haven't smoked crack for the last 10 years while sitting on welfare, or immigrated with 30 family members I'm not worthy........

Ken, please send me your address so that I may at least send you a little something. I can't do much considering how tragic it all is, but if anything can be a small consolation, I believe it is not lost...

Stay strong...

PM sent Sparky (And replied to), rather leave something like that off this thread where it could be abused by bots.

......

Ken, I would really suggest counselling to make sense of all this.  We're here if you need someone to listen but we can't help too much.  Your wife was obviously in a distressed state of mind.  I hope for the best for you and your daughter through this ordeal.